I suck at vacation. I never used to (at least I don't think I did). I remember a few dark years between 2000 and 2003 when the universe seemed to be teaching me lessons I wasn't ready to learn - how to enjoy my own company, how to be brave and keep re-inventing myself, how to fight depression during a particularly dark time. What did I do? I packed the trunk of my rustbox '88 Sunbird and I headed to Bois Joli Beach, every day.At that time, I was not paying attention to my career so much, it was the means to an end, and truthfully, it was the time for me to coast a little. I needed to address other things in my soul. I needed to find FLOW. What does that mean? It is what I call the ZING of energy during a lightning storm, creative inspiration, connections for all the little hanging strings in life. At that time, I started to feel my own power, my peace and my creative spirit - and a growing sense that everything was connected. I felt like the universe was answering questions I had not spoken out loud. Was it because there was "space to listen"? If I am speaking in abstract too much, I will explain what it was like. At my computer in the morning, I would receive newletters with headings that literally answered the questions in my head in comical ways. I meant to talk to a close friend about it, who also listened to "cues". We were having trouble meeting up for coffee and he finally received a computer-related postcard/advertisement at work that said "Take A Java with Chelsea". It was talking about a computer porgram but the message was loud and clear. I was getting messages like that all the time. I would walk into a library and an out-of-place-book would attract me. I would open to the middle of the book and read a passage that was pertinent to what I was thinking about. And the more I paid aattention, the more it happened. A was learning about Tarot at the time and drew a card each morning as a touchstone for the day. For 4 straight days, I drew the same card. As a beginner, I was not able to decipher exactly what the card meant, but I got the feeling it was more important for me to notice the pattern anyway.
Why is any of this pertinent now? Well, years have passed, and I have been fascinated with this concept of flow /synchronicity ever since. However, my life has sped up without my noticing. My personal crisis essentially ended, and I was happy again, able to take on the next challenges. These were practical in nature. Work, money, home, daily life, responsibilities. I switched gears. I became entrenched. Recently I found I have become a workaholic at a career I was never tied to to begin with.
Fast forward, and here my husband and I found ourselves at the beginning of a desperately needed vacation with no idea how to relax :) A week in and we are just getting the hang of the pace. Pete is now working on new songs, and puttering around the house happily with a screwdriver- fixing stuff as he is want to do. Lo and behold I sewpt away cobwebs from my creative room and started on a new quilt project.
I am noticing this nagging feeling that I had forgotten something... for the past several months.. I had forgotten the purpose of creating SPACE to listen. The FLOW I still think about has been a little past my grasp, but it may be coming back. Finally. More soon.
